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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

What to Give Me For Christmas

For those of you who are still wondering what to give me for Christmas, you can scratch “world peace” off your list; Obama got that award last week. So let’s look at other prizes you can consider presenting to me…

These are the honors I have already been given, so try not to duplicate any of these when you are selecting my present:

Mother of the year
The Mother of the Year was given to me after I asked all of my children to vote for me as their favorite mother. I received half of all the possible votes in the family (1 out of 2; I even had to pay for the one vote I received).

Employee of the month
The Employee of the Month award was given to me after I asked myself for a raise when I was President of my own company. Instead I received the Employee of the Month certificate with my name misspelled (Beth Quest). This was my way of telling myself there are always alternatives to every challenge, and the boss doesn't always know everything about all their employees.

Pain in the ass
The Pain in the Ass award was given to me after my colonoscopy. (I think they give this to all their patients, but who cares. The little button they put on my lapel at the end of the ordeal is displayed on the back of my toilet and is a great reminder of a badge I truly earned).

If you’re still looking for my perfect gift, think shiny. Or perhaps statuesque. Or consider something unique and one-of-a-kind. All would be acceptable.

I’ll be waiting for my new prize on that special holiday morning. With luck, I'll even be able to share it with my whole world.