Sunday, October 24, 2010

Cough Cough Cough

I’ve been slurping down cough medicine trying to control this lousy coughing. When I gurgled the last drop I was forced to put on my bathrobe and slippers and slink into the store to get some more cough medicine. I even put on my sunglasses so I would not be recognized.

I grabbed a bottle of the cough medicine and went to the check out counter to make my single purchase.

“Can I see your I.D.?” the checker asked.

I took off my sunglasses so the checker could see I was not a young movie starlet in bunny slippers. “I think I’m old enough to buy cough medicine,” I responded with a chuckle.

“I still need your ID.” He responded.

I thought he was kidding. He was not. He would not ring me up until I got out my ID so he could scan it into the computer.

“Why do you need ID to buy cough syrup?” I asked.

“It’s the law. You are limited in how much cough medicine you can buy. They don’t want you cooking with it.”

As he scanned my drivers license into the register I could see all my personal data coming up on the display; my address, phone, 1040 tax information, my medical information, my facebook and twitter entries, my latest blog, and now this single entry at the bottom of all that information “1 bottle of cough medicine purchased.” It was eerie how much the government was tracking.

In a way I should be comforted knowing the government cares enough about me they want to know if I am drinking the cough medicine or using it to cook with. But I’m not comforted. Those parasitic coughing germs now realize they just have to drag out this illness and they can win this battle. They now know there is a limit to the amount of cough medicine and drugs I can purchase so they just need to wait out this coughing until I have consumed my quota and then they can take over my entire body.

I can see it now. I will end up being a mass of slimy mucus on the couch with an empty cough bottle on the table.

When you're sick, your mind makes up stuff like this. Or maybe it's the cough medicine that is doing this. :-)

11 comments:

Kathy G said...

Wow!

I haven't bought cough medicine in a while, so I don't know if they have the same rules here. It's a shame they haven't got to the "cough" lesson in your Chinese Medicine class. Sounds like you need it!

AnotherQ said...

Maybe this is a California thing, but if CA has legalized medical marijuana, wouldn't you think OTC cough medicine would be just as easy to purchase???!

ack said...

It was on the shelf? Most places that have stuff that's controlled like that isn't on the shelf. You have to ask for it.

It's apparently too easy for folks to make methamphetamine from cold meds though.

AnotherQ said...

Yep, Robitussin was on the shelf in plain view of anyone who wandered in the "cough and cold" isle.
I ended up calling my doctor so I could get a prescription of cough medicine...if you buy the PRESCRIPTION cough medicine you don't need to be ID'd to buy it and they don't send your purchase history to the government! How weird is that!! lol

Anonymous said...

Hello Beth. This is the United States Government. We noticed that you bought some cough syrup the other day and appreciate gaining access to your blog. You should be advised that calling your physician to obtain a prescription for cough medicine could be interpreted as an effort to knowingly circumvent U.S.C. Article XXXIV Section 47.01(b)4(iv). In accordance with the Notice provision of the Code, you have fourteen (14) calendar days to report any and all cough syrup purchases whether OTC or otherwise. Your voluntary cooperation will be appreciated.

AnotherQ said...

Come and get me!

I will then cough on you so you, too, can join me in the experience of becoming a blob of green slime on the couch with those little germs jumping up and down for joy as they win this battle. :-)

ack said...

When the government comes for you, they'll be in those level 4 containment suits and give you the same treatment from 'Silkwood' with the shower.

I don't think you want to egg them on.

Anonymous said...

ack is very wise. You now have twelve (12) days.

AnotherQ said...

Ack,
is that a group shower? Kind of like a frat party?? Hmmm...maybe I do want them to come!

Government Secret Agent also known as "Anonymous"...
Twelve (12) more days, huh? That is enough time to stock up on beer, wine, munchies, and kleenex.
OK!!! BRING IT ON!!! The party will be at my house!
(Oh, and bring your own cough medicine)

Amander said...

In Utah you have to have your ID to buy the cough medicine behind the counter (the ones with dextromethorphan in them). So, now each brand also has a cough syrup you can buy without dextromethorphan in it that you can buy without ID.

Most people don't know it though, and just end up buying the less effective cough syrup.

But, our meth labs have reduced in number, and this may be a small reason why :)

AnotherQ said...

Good to know this is what is behind the cough medicine movement. I'm glad it is having an affect in curbing meth labs in Utah. Perhaps my continual coughing may even be helping to reduce the meth labs in CA!! I give, and give, and give!!! :-)